How to be a good guest

An invitation is coming your way from a family member or a good friend or both.  It is an honor to be selected to help those close to you celebrate a wonderful part of their life.

If you RSVP with a positive response, you become an official guest at this party.  You will no doubt bring an appropriate wedding gift, but did you know that another gift you give to the couple is the knowledge of how to be a good guest, and the wisdom to use that knowledge.

Here is a checklist of do’s and don’t that you can follow to insure that your behavior will not cause the couple to grimace on their 10^th anniversary as they recall events from their wedding.

DO

• Make sure to send your RSVP in a timely manner.
• Arrive at the wedding at least 15-20 before the ceremony is to begin.
• Stay standing at the back of the church if you are going to be late.
• Keep your cell phone on silent.
• Dress appropriately.
• Have fun dancing but do not call attention to yourself or your partner.
• Respect the couple’s wishes even if they aren’t what you would choose.

 DON’T

• Change your mind about attending.  Don’t cancel and then show up anyway.
• Sit in a front row.  That is for immediate family only.
• Text or tweet or blog during the ceremony
• Wear jeans or sweats unless requested by the couple
• Get in the way of the professional photographer doing his job.
• Take ceremony or reception photos unless the couple approve.
• Trash talk the couple’s choices.

The role of the wedding planner

If the bride and her family would like a stress free wedding, the best solution is to hire a wedding planner.  If the wedding is to be at an out of town/destination wedding, then dependence on a planner at the venue to which the wedding party will be traveling is a must.  If the bride and groom are planning a small intimate wedding and reception but the couple both have jobs that demand huge time commitments, a wedding planner can take the couple’s wishes and instructions and produce exactly the event they envision.

The term planner can cover a wide range of services.  In general the term refers to services provided by an individual, selected by the bride or her mother, to assist with some or all of the details involved in the planning and implementing of an error-free, stress free rehearsal, ceremony and reception.   A plus feature in hiring a wedding planner or coordinator is that the bride can decide the level of service she desires and pay only for those services.

Brides-to-be should determine the credentials of the planner they are considering.  They should check the training/certification that the planner has earned.  They should ask for references from two or three brides the planner has served and decide on the level of involvement they will require.  Maybe an initial consultation to help identify choices and set preliminary plans and schedules is enough for one couple.  Others may want a comprehensive package, which covers time and advice on all aspects of the wedding plus vendor and site negotiations.

Tips for the bride on a budget!

The results from THE KNOT’S 2011 BRIDAL FASHION STUDY indicate that for the majority of the 9,690 brides interviewed in the survey, the tough economic times “have not stopped brides from buying their dream dress.”  (VOWS, January/February 2012)  Brides seem willing to cut back in other areas in order to buy the gown they want.  

What are some of the ways brides can save?

They need to prioritize.  Figure out what matters most and allocate budgets accordingly.  These items should arise out of honest conversations between the bride and groom and their families.  Such discussions can make sure that what matters most is funded.

Budgets need to be set.  Couples must figure out how much they can pay for individual items like flowers or receptions or photography and then communicate that to the vendors involved.  It works better if a dollar amount is mentioned rather than a price range.

Consider your own resources.  Do you have unused frequent flyer miles that could cover honeymoon travel?   How about an uncle who collects classic cars? Could he provide a unique and elegant ride between the church and reception for the bride and groom?  Do you know someone who “knows someone” who could get you a good price on quality champagne?

Step outside the usual.  Rather than insisting on a Saturday night wedding, could you move to a Sunday?  It has always been an option but few brides used it.  Every time you choose times, places or options that few others are choosing, you’ll save money in various ways.

Rethink what your wedding means.  It is a special celebration for family and friends, not the way to pay back everyone who has ever invited you or your family to a party.  If you are thinking that your wedding is a way to impress people, think again.  Have it your way and keep it personal.

Music to celebrate

Selecting the music for a wedding ceremony and reception is an important consideration.  Music should frame the ceremony – not dominate it.  Picking the music should be considered an important aspect of the planning process.

• Make an early meeting with the officiator a must.  Churches tend to have constraints imposed on the kind of music allowed.  It is good to have that information early in the planning process.

• Some churches limit the options by presenting the bride a list of music from which she must choose.  Others may opt to screen her choices.

• If the bride wants a certain music that is important to her and/or the groom, and the church organist can’t/won’t play it, she has the option of diplomatically asking if she can bring in her own musicians.  More and more brides are requesting instruments other than the organ.  Some brides want to be lead up or down the aisle by bagpipes.  Others prefer the sounds of a string quartet.  Allowing sufficient lead-time to clarify any issues around music is a smart move.

• Brides must remember that music needs to be selected for the prelude, the processional, the ceremony and for the reception.  Musicians need to be chosen and booked early in the process.

• Many budget conscious brides are opting to use MP3 players or other electronic media for reception music – either during the cocktail hour or as background music during dinner.

•  The bride should spend time researching her music.  Screen pieces, listen to tapes, CDs, and take advice from musicians you know.  Audition any musicians before hiring them.  Check references. Volumes of advice and suggestions are available online.  Think about your own personal preferences and music that matters to you both as a couple as you assemble your “must play list”.

Many couples are creating a CD of their favorite music and making it available as a thank you gift to their guests.

Wedding etiquette on a budget

Quiet elegance is always in style.  

Consider a few white lilies for the bridal bouquet instead of an elaborate arrangement.

A garden luncheon can be as charming as a 5 course sit down dinner.

Select fewer attendants.  The larger the wedding and number of attendants, the greater the expense.

But no matter how limited the budget, the rules of etiquette still apply.  

Having a reception which serves only punch and cake is acceptable.  Asking guests to buy their own dinners is not.

Having an alcohol free reception is fine.  Having a cash bar isn’t.

Registering for things the couple would like and need is fine.  Asking for money instead of gifts isn’t.

Sending email invitations instead of printed or handwritten ones for a small intimate wedding isn’t OK.

Neglecting to send thank you notes within an acceptable time frame is not appropriate.

Every part of a wedding, even one done on a very limited budget, should be done with style and good taste.  An affordable wedding can be just as memorable as a lavish one.  Guests will remember the beautiful personal touches, not how much was spent on the wedding.

Attention: New Bridal Trends!

This season’s bridal gowns are reflecting new looks that one fashion writer termed “More Kate and less Kim”.  Many gowns are reflecting more traditional looks and a bit of classic charm.

Gowns are showing more coverage.  Not necessarily Kate Middleton’s long sleeves, but cap sleeves are being shown along with illusion necklines for those brides who want more coverage than strapless gowns provide.

Longer veils are back in vogue after being absent for a period.  In a survey of brides 75% reported they plan to wear a veil with preferences for floor length or longer.

Many brides are selecting plainer gowns with less “bling” and focusing on fabulous accessories like jewelry and expensive shoes.  More and more brides are choosing colored shoes with blue a popular choice.

Some brides are including “costume changes” in their selection of the wedding gown.  One gown is chosen for the formal ceremony and either adaptations are made in that gown for the reception and dance or a second and more informal gown is worn for the reception.

We are also seeing bridesmaids in white thanks to Pippa.  All white weddings have been appearing in areas, but more brides are choosing the mono theme for spring and summer.

Brides continue to create a personalized wedding with signature color (s), monogrammed items, and motifs to set and reinforce the theme of the event.

What is your view of your ideal wedding gown?

Contemporary vs. Traditional Weddings

Do those two terms seem contradictory?  At one time they may have, but more and more couples are looking for ways to place their personal stamp on their wedding plans.  The term “unique” is heard more and more as brides search for ways to make their weddings memorable for them and their guests.

• Consider replacing the traditional bachelor or bachelorette party with a get together that combines both events.  Consider a hike, beach party, bike ride, cook-out, softball game or evening out at a skating rink or bowling alley.

• Rather than hold the rehearsal dinner at a typical restaurant’s party room, book an art museum, a university facility, a park or a historical building to serve as a special setting for your event.

• Supplement your florist’s handiwork and create reception decor with native wild flowers, leaves, twigs, fruits and herbs from a local grower or farmer’s market.

• Some brides have decided to let their bridesmaids select their own gowns based on a color scheme and degree of formality.  This works well when you admire their taste in clothes.  It is wise to set some guidelines – degree of coverage desired, tailored or fluffy, plain or elaborate, length etc.  But within those parameters, maids can choose their own wearable outfits.  Many bridal salons have several designers who can work to truly individualize a bridesmaid’s gown within the “look” of the wedding.

• If you have a unique reception venue chosen, consider hiring a local chef you admire or a culinary school to put a special spin on your reception menu.  Think about including family food traditions that may be important to both the bride and groom.  If you can’t afford a sit down dinner, there is nothing wrong with having a desert reception or a small plate limited cocktail reception and wedding cake.